There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dicks are not precious.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
