pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do vagina's smell?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
