I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
