a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
