How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
