I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
