are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
