Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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