I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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