Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize