oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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