Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
