I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
