you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize