i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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