I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
