Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
