Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
