In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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