I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
