so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
