grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize