apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize