she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
