Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
