At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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