Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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