Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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