i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
