I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize