awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
