you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
