Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sarcasm needs its own font
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
