It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
