sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
