I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
