He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
