Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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