Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
