I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
