You're so nebulous sometimes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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