im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
