i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
only you would photoshop your dick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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