its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize