I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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