Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
