Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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