Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
