drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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