Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize