I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
