the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
