Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
