I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
