Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
