dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
