this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
