i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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