About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bring money and cleavage
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
