White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize