good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
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