dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
