saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
