i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
