He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
