i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
